Snapshot #9: I’m Sorry.

I made a new blog to replace this one. It will be updated WAY more. I WILL be faithful, and I believe this is a little more, me. :/
thank you everyone who read this blog, and was faithful. Please continue to do the same for Somewhat Competent.

Thank you, and again, I’m sorry.
-Chris Lawrence


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snapshot #8: Attraction

It took me a few seconds to start this. I told myself I was going to write about this silly crush on a guy that I know is a complete douche (well…not that exactly, but close to one), but in the end it was much harder to write about something you don’t know how to express into words. Especially when it’s going to be on a public blog for the world to see.

In actuality though, I barely have one reader right? Or maybe it’s more and I just don’t know it, but I’m pretty sure my four month hiatus destroyed however many were actually even reading my life summed up into words (that may or may not be true).

Well, let me stop avoiding what I came here to do, which was write a piece about this guy.

So, once again…


Why is it that when I’m sitting here, my mind wonders to him. Almost every moment I have to myself, I’m no longer alone.
I close my eyes and my imagination takes over. The thrill, the fantasy, the fun, the excitement, it engulfs me and takes control. No longer do I think about my future or my pass. I have no interest in those right now.

It’s just me, him, and the world I created in this mind that doesn’t even completely understand what the body is telling it. The logic that I’m so used to and safe with is gone and has left me vulnerable. Now it’s my body that reacts, and then my mind follows.

This is new and foreign to me. If I feel so strongly, then why not speak? Why not tell or confess? Because it wasn’t meant to be. This isn’t a fairy tail or a fictitious tale of romance and longing, this is life, reality, and a girl like me, could never possibly be with a guy like him. It’s like we’re standing on two sides of a river, and I’m the only one looking across.

So there you have it, my attraction. I thought I could get away, but this world is way too small dammit.

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snapshot #7: The Return

After four months of studies and sleeping. I have returned.
It’s been a hectic few months that include:

  • Being too busy to feel lonely on Valentines’ Day.
  • Adding pesky feelings of attraction to the mix.
  • Celebrating my Best Buddies turning eighteen in the most peculiar way.
  • Turning eighteen myselfAnd last, and certainly least,
  • Attending Prom.

Of course all the while maintaining all A’s and studying for exams.
So, here is where I apologize for being a good student;

I’m sorry.

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snapshot #6: Snow

I was pissed.
I didn’t want snow days or vacations from school like this. I opened to front door and stared outside shocked. There was already about three inches of snow covering the roads and it had just started snowing. I stepped outside and felt the soft freshly fallen snow with my hands and smiled slightly. The kid in me wanted to run out and roll around in the snow, but the teenager on the outside decided agaisnt that idea.

Way too cold to do that in Pjs.

The snow continued to fall as the temperature dropped further and further below freezing. I knew there’d be no school the next day, I just didn’t choose to believe it.  Plus I didn’t want to buy my friend a candy bar for the bet I have apparently lost.
The next morning my phone vibrated on the table next to my bed. It was my friend.

“I’d like a Twix Bar, see you tomorrow.”

I groaned and texted back, “fine…”

However, school was canceled the next day, and then the day after that, and now school is finally canceled Thurday too. The beginning stages of cabin fever is upon me. The roads are unsafe, and I’ve done all my homework. What else is there to do?

But order a pizza, because it’s their job to deliver during harsh conditions, since you know, you can’t leave your house.

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snapshot #5: Running Wild

The girl ran with determination through the crowded street like hallway. Her face gave away nothing as to lead anyone to understand where she was going, and what for. The crowds parted for her as she ran, and a few students shouted at her in an arrogant fashion.

When she finally stopped running she was in the principles office. Her heart was pounding and her breath was staggered. The principal looked up surprised and her parents turned around to look at her.

“What’s going on here?” she asked with as much breath as she could manage. Her eyes darted back and forth from her parents to her principle.

When no one replied, she became angry and shouted, “WHY ARE YOU HERE!?” Her hair long brown hair covered her face as she breathed in heavily from overexerting herself.  When she didn’t get an answer from that she screamed and smashed all the awards and books off the shelf one row at a time.

Her parents sat in shock as they witnessed their daughter’s behavior for the first time. The principle, shocked as well, called in for one of the coaches. She was beginning to get out of control.
When she finally stopped was too scared to find out the answer to her question, so she ran. She kept running until she got outside and ran and ran until she was in the street and…

The track coach came running after her. He thought she got hit by a car when he saw her dart into the busy intersection, but when he reached over the hill blocking the road, she was gone.

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snapshot #4: Hospital Run

“I’m sorry I can’t stay, my son’s in the hospital.”

This is what my teacher said to me as he frantically shoved papers and textbooks into his bag. I stood in his unorganized classroom and wondered if he even knew what he was putting in there.  He picked up two more documents and then zipped up his bag.

“I’m sorry, how about tomorrow?”  He had his keys in his hand now and was leading me towards the door.

I frowned and shook my head, “no, I can’t.”

“Okay, tell me everything real fast.” He set his stuff down on a nearby desk and looked at me.

I began to sweat under his gaze and nervously began to tell him about an art contest I was entering. I was due at the end of the week and I had written an original story, that I wanted him to proofread and get his opinion on.
All while stuttering and pausing in mid sentence a couple of times.

“Okay, give me your work and I’ll give it to you tomorrow.” 

I smiled and handed him the two page short story. He gather up his things and headed outside to his car. I followed him and thanked him as his sped off breaking the speed limit.

I hope his son is okay.

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snapshot #3: School Begins

Getting up at 5:50 AM was quite difficult.

The alarm would shout and scream, and I would scream right back. It woke me up, but by the time I smashed snooze, I would somehow be magically sleeping again. unfortunately the alarm would scream ten minutes later.

I sighed a lot that morning as I was preparing for the day ahead. With each task I completed I sighed feeling school approaching with each minute, and by the time I was finished, I stood by my bedroom door, book bag in hand and pen in mouth, sighed, and shut off the light. I pulled the door shut behind me and descended the stairs with dread.

It was loud and crowded.
Freshmen blocked the hallways, and girls screamed at each other and then hugged like they haven’t seen each other in years. I rolled my eyes and started shoving. I wanted to get from point A to point B, was that so much to ask?

From the amount of curse words, kissed teeth, and rolled eyes I got, yes, apparently. This was only the beginning though, I had the rest of the day, and three more full days after that to live through.

I can’t wait for Summer.

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snapshot #2: Grocery Store Run-ins

I walked into Wal-mart with a feeling of dread.

It’s not that I dislike Wal-mart. It’s a decent store with everything one would want in one outing. Walk ten steps and you’re in the clothing section, step to your right and look, FOOD!

It’s just that I walked into Wal-mart knowing I was going to see someone I know. I hate that feeling because it usual comes true, but it’s not that I’m so completely unsocial that I hate meeting up with people or running into them at the local store. It’s just some days you like to be alone with family or just plain alone.
So for the entire visit, I was looking over my shoulder scanning the ales like a robot on a mission (I think I scared some kids like this). We finally got to the cashier and I thought I was in the clear, but no, God doesn’t like me that much.  Our cashier was an acquaintance from class.

I sighed inwardly and smiled big, cause maybe if I smile big enough she will be turned off by my awkward smile and stop talking to me, maybe.
After fifteen minutes of awkward conversation (my mother’s gift card wouldn’t work, just my luck), I trucked it out of the busy Wal-mart and hurried to the car. As we were unloading the bags I heard my name being shouted, and a figure was waving across the way.

I groaned, it was my neighbor.


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snapshot #1: New Year

“Happy New Year!”

This is what every single text I got today looked like.  I would squint at the bright glowing screen of my blackberry -that I hate- and read the same line five times from people I barely talk to.
I groaned and turned off my phone because it was around three o’clock in the morning. Just because some people partied and got into drunken brawls and make out sessions, doesn’t mean ALL of us do. In fact, I spent my new year at home watching thousands of people I don’t know stand in the middle of Time Square kissing each other and listen to musical artist I enjoy listening to.

What was my family doing you ask?

Sleeping, lovely.

So when the new year came this year, I grabbed the sparkling wine out of the fridge, poured myself a glass as Dick Clarke counted down from twenty, and cheered to 2011.
I spent the rest of the night watching Ryan Seacrest. Which believe me, sarcasm alone cannot describe how awesome that is.


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