Tag Archives: alone

snapshot #8: Attraction

It took me a few seconds to start this. I told myself I was going to write about this silly crush on a guy that I know is a complete douche (well…not that exactly, but close to one), but in the end it was much harder to write about something you don’t know how to express into words. Especially when it’s going to be on a public blog for the world to see.

In actuality though, I barely have one reader right? Or maybe it’s more and I just don’t know it, but I’m pretty sure my four month hiatus destroyed however many were actually even reading my life summed up into words (that may or may not be true).

Well, let me stop avoiding what I came here to do, which was write a piece about this guy.

So, once again…

Attraction

Why is it that when I’m sitting here, my mind wonders to him. Almost every moment I have to myself, I’m no longer alone.
I close my eyes and my imagination takes over. The thrill, the fantasy, the fun, the excitement, it engulfs me and takes control. No longer do I think about my future or my pass. I have no interest in those right now.

It’s just me, him, and the world I created in this mind that doesn’t even completely understand what the body is telling it. The logic that I’m so used to and safe with is gone and has left me vulnerable. Now it’s my body that reacts, and then my mind follows.

This is new and foreign to me. If I feel so strongly, then why not speak? Why not tell or confess? Because it wasn’t meant to be. This isn’t a fairy tail or a fictitious tale of romance and longing, this is life, reality, and a girl like me, could never possibly be with a guy like him. It’s like we’re standing on two sides of a river, and I’m the only one looking across.

So there you have it, my attraction. I thought I could get away, but this world is way too small dammit.

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snapshot #2: Grocery Store Run-ins

I walked into Wal-mart with a feeling of dread.

It’s not that I dislike Wal-mart. It’s a decent store with everything one would want in one outing. Walk ten steps and you’re in the clothing section, step to your right and look, FOOD!

It’s just that I walked into Wal-mart knowing I was going to see someone I know. I hate that feeling because it usual comes true, but it’s not that I’m so completely unsocial that I hate meeting up with people or running into them at the local store. It’s just some days you like to be alone with family or just plain alone.
So for the entire visit, I was looking over my shoulder scanning the ales like a robot on a mission (I think I scared some kids like this). We finally got to the cashier and I thought I was in the clear, but no, God doesn’t like me that much.  Our cashier was an acquaintance from class.

I sighed inwardly and smiled big, cause maybe if I smile big enough she will be turned off by my awkward smile and stop talking to me, maybe.
After fifteen minutes of awkward conversation (my mother’s gift card wouldn’t work, just my luck), I trucked it out of the busy Wal-mart and hurried to the car. As we were unloading the bags I heard my name being shouted, and a figure was waving across the way.

I groaned, it was my neighbor.

-chrislawrence

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