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snapshot #8: Attraction

It took me a few seconds to start this. I told myself I was going to write about this silly crush on a guy that I know is a complete douche (well…not that exactly, but close to one), but in the end it was much harder to write about something you don’t know how to express into words. Especially when it’s going to be on a public blog for the world to see.

In actuality though, I barely have one reader right? Or maybe it’s more and I just don’t know it, but I’m pretty sure my four month hiatus destroyed however many were actually even reading my life summed up into words (that may or may not be true).

Well, let me stop avoiding what I came here to do, which was write a piece about this guy.

So, once again…


Why is it that when I’m sitting here, my mind wonders to him. Almost every moment I have to myself, I’m no longer alone.
I close my eyes and my imagination takes over. The thrill, the fantasy, the fun, the excitement, it engulfs me and takes control. No longer do I think about my future or my pass. I have no interest in those right now.

It’s just me, him, and the world I created in this mind that doesn’t even completely understand what the body is telling it. The logic that I’m so used to and safe with is gone and has left me vulnerable. Now it’s my body that reacts, and then my mind follows.

This is new and foreign to me. If I feel so strongly, then why not speak? Why not tell or confess? Because it wasn’t meant to be. This isn’t a fairy tail or a fictitious tale of romance and longing, this is life, reality, and a girl like me, could never possibly be with a guy like him. It’s like we’re standing on two sides of a river, and I’m the only one looking across.

So there you have it, my attraction. I thought I could get away, but this world is way too small dammit.


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snapshot #7: The Return

After four months of studies and sleeping. I have returned.
It’s been a hectic few months that include:

  • Being too busy to feel lonely on Valentines’ Day.
  • Adding pesky feelings of attraction to the mix.
  • Celebrating my Best Buddies turning eighteen in the most peculiar way.
  • Turning eighteen myselfAnd last, and certainly least,
  • Attending Prom.

Of course all the while maintaining all A’s and studying for exams.
So, here is where I apologize for being a good student;

I’m sorry.

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snapshot #4: Hospital Run

“I’m sorry I can’t stay, my son’s in the hospital.”

This is what my teacher said to me as he frantically shoved papers and textbooks into his bag. I stood in his unorganized classroom and wondered if he even knew what he was putting in there.  He picked up two more documents and then zipped up his bag.

“I’m sorry, how about tomorrow?”  He had his keys in his hand now and was leading me towards the door.

I frowned and shook my head, “no, I can’t.”

“Okay, tell me everything real fast.” He set his stuff down on a nearby desk and looked at me.

I began to sweat under his gaze and nervously began to tell him about an art contest I was entering. I was due at the end of the week and I had written an original story, that I wanted him to proofread and get his opinion on.
All while stuttering and pausing in mid sentence a couple of times.

“Okay, give me your work and I’ll give it to you tomorrow.” 

I smiled and handed him the two page short story. He gather up his things and headed outside to his car. I followed him and thanked him as his sped off breaking the speed limit.

I hope his son is okay.

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snapshot #3: School Begins

Getting up at 5:50 AM was quite difficult.

The alarm would shout and scream, and I would scream right back. It woke me up, but by the time I smashed snooze, I would somehow be magically sleeping again. unfortunately the alarm would scream ten minutes later.

I sighed a lot that morning as I was preparing for the day ahead. With each task I completed I sighed feeling school approaching with each minute, and by the time I was finished, I stood by my bedroom door, book bag in hand and pen in mouth, sighed, and shut off the light. I pulled the door shut behind me and descended the stairs with dread.

It was loud and crowded.
Freshmen blocked the hallways, and girls screamed at each other and then hugged like they haven’t seen each other in years. I rolled my eyes and started shoving. I wanted to get from point A to point B, was that so much to ask?

From the amount of curse words, kissed teeth, and rolled eyes I got, yes, apparently. This was only the beginning though, I had the rest of the day, and three more full days after that to live through.

I can’t wait for Summer.

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snapshot #2: Grocery Store Run-ins

I walked into Wal-mart with a feeling of dread.

It’s not that I dislike Wal-mart. It’s a decent store with everything one would want in one outing. Walk ten steps and you’re in the clothing section, step to your right and look, FOOD!

It’s just that I walked into Wal-mart knowing I was going to see someone I know. I hate that feeling because it usual comes true, but it’s not that I’m so completely unsocial that I hate meeting up with people or running into them at the local store. It’s just some days you like to be alone with family or just plain alone.
So for the entire visit, I was looking over my shoulder scanning the ales like a robot on a mission (I think I scared some kids like this). We finally got to the cashier and I thought I was in the clear, but no, God doesn’t like me that much.  Our cashier was an acquaintance from class.

I sighed inwardly and smiled big, cause maybe if I smile big enough she will be turned off by my awkward smile and stop talking to me, maybe.
After fifteen minutes of awkward conversation (my mother’s gift card wouldn’t work, just my luck), I trucked it out of the busy Wal-mart and hurried to the car. As we were unloading the bags I heard my name being shouted, and a figure was waving across the way.

I groaned, it was my neighbor.


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snapshot #1: New Year

“Happy New Year!”

This is what every single text I got today looked like.  I would squint at the bright glowing screen of my blackberry -that I hate- and read the same line five times from people I barely talk to.
I groaned and turned off my phone because it was around three o’clock in the morning. Just because some people partied and got into drunken brawls and make out sessions, doesn’t mean ALL of us do. In fact, I spent my new year at home watching thousands of people I don’t know stand in the middle of Time Square kissing each other and listen to musical artist I enjoy listening to.

What was my family doing you ask?

Sleeping, lovely.

So when the new year came this year, I grabbed the sparkling wine out of the fridge, poured myself a glass as Dick Clarke counted down from twenty, and cheered to 2011.
I spent the rest of the night watching Ryan Seacrest. Which believe me, sarcasm alone cannot describe how awesome that is.


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